Cream and Sugar?

There are just some times when you NEED coffee... after a long night or an early morning, before meetings or after a fabulous date, while working on a last minute project or on days that end in "y". This morning my 2 1/2 year old woke up on the wrong side of the crib. I walked into her room and she immediately demanded that I "GET OUT" and get Mommy...she did not, under any circumstances, want to deal with me. Unfortunate, because I am the one who is home with her all day.

As we went through the following hour her mood did not improve. She took off her night diaper but refused to sit on the toilet. She wanted to go downstairs, but refused to walk. She asked for yogurt, and then threatened to throw it on the floor. She was the no smoking sign on my cigarette break; an absolute killjoy across the board. After about 45 minutes my partner and I turned to each other and asked, "Doesn't it just seem like she needs a cup of coffee?"

I know there is a lot of debate out there about how to raise a child. Organic or not organic? TV or no TV? Sugar or no sugar? Naps or no nap? Cloth or disposable? Family bed or dog crate? Attachment parenting or boarding school in Switzerland?  Up to this point in my reading of fear based parent literature ::cough::What To Expect When You're Expecting::cough:: I hadn't seen the coffee issue addressed, so I did what any self respecting 21st century parent would do and asked Dr. Google what s/he thought about giving coffee to 2 year olds to help them get going in the morning. After telling me that caffeine will kill me, turn me into a clumsy addict, make me more creative and ensure that I live longer, Dr. Google assured me that people the world over wonder whether or not to give coffee to toddlers to brighten their day. Apparently experts agree that, like consuming alcohol while pregnant, the only truly safe thing to do is abstain all together because they haven't been able to determine a level at which it becomes harmful. Other desperate parents, however, seemed to agree that there is nothing wrong with a tiny cup 'o Joe for the under 3 set, provided the child likes the taste.

So we decided to experiment. 1/4 cup of coffee mixed with a 1/2 cup of milk and a teaspoon of sugar in a little mug set before our extremely grumpy little human. I'd love to say that it worked like a charm, but, like a toddler, she spilled the entire thing on her lap/highchir/the floor before even taking a sip. Which led to her being stripped naked in the dining room and screaming bloody murder while I used her pajamas to mop up the mess and her other mother gave everyone a quick kiss and bolted out the door for an early meeting.

After which I needed a cup of coffee.